Every new mother wants the best for their kid. For holistic happiness coach Jennifer Kass, this meant a strict macrobiotic diet from birth – followed by years of sugar-saturated rebellion. In a moving open letter to her mother (and macrobiotic moms everywhere), she recognises her saviour and a foodie pioneer.
Dear Mother,
I know that the macrobiotic lifestyle was your religion when I was growing up. On your wedding day, you even spent the morning with friends at a macrobiotic cooking class preparing the cake. I know that you learned macrobiotics from the Kushis themselves and went to Annemarie Colbin’s cooking school in New York City (decades before I’d arrive, she would become one of my teachers and I’d eventually carry on the family tradition). And I’m sorry that, as I’m inherently a rebel, I took a while for me to come around full circle.
I know you had every detail down during your pregnancy with me, that you even monitored each glass of water you drank so as to not weaken the kidneys. As a baby, I know that not a single chemical in any product touched my body, and that my diapers were cloth, so everything I wore was made of natural fibers. I know that you even skipped plastic in my toys and sewed me my own Waldorf doll, Olena.
I know that you spent hours in the kitchen doing what you love most, cooking seasonal foods from the earth and making sure everything I ate was as clean and pure as it could be. I also realize there wasn’t a Whole Foods down the street 33 years ago, and that you had to have been a creative genius to come up with those recipes.
I know that I’ve not received a single vaccination since birth because you boldly and unselfishly did not inflict things on me that you believed would not serve me, to make yourself feel better by fitting in. You never had to say the words, “It’s for your own good”, words so many children hear as they are taught that pain and suffering (opposed to listening to our own inner guide) are connected to what’s good – and even connected to love and acceptance from others.
I know that you did not listen to the voices of the conventional systems, but instead followed your own intuition. And I know this is the voice that guided you to drive from Colorado to Maine, so I could be born in the cottage on the beach, with your community of macrobiotic, Buddhist, and Rudolph Steiner teachers and students and your midwife at the birth.
I know these things now – and I knew them when my soul chose you for my mother this time – but my understanding took a detour in my adolescent years, and I admit I judged you, blamed you for making me feel like an outsider at school when I would unpack nori and tempeh from my lunchbox, while everyone else had angel-white bread with shimmery purple jam and sugar-sweet peanut butter in theirs.
And I admit I rebelled the second I got out of the house. Realizing how different I was and how deprived of sugar I’d been, I chose to overdose on soda, ice cream and Pringles. While my unique upbringing confused me, as an inherent leader, it was never about fitting in. But I did want what everyone else was having, and once I got my hands on this stuff, it was so addictive. I know every time you found out, you died a little inside.
Then I went off to NYC to begin a life that would rebel even more against what you taught me, as my ego hooked into the material world. Like most humans, I had fallen under the illusion that there was something outside of me that would make me happy or complete. I also took for granted my lifelong perfect health, not realizing all your mindful choices actually supported me in a fundamental way.
And for a couple years, I got away with it. I ate out at every meal, had cheesecake after lunch every day and swiftly developed a sugar addiction. But I went to my fancy magazine job and ignored, or just accepted as ‘normal,’ the warning signals of physical and emotional ailments, stress and a subtle level of anxiety that was omnipresent. I distracted myself by seeking out relationships in which I created drama. Refusing to meditate or go to yoga, I was fully dependent on my outer world and disconnected from my inner self.
But the glossy job, the clothes, products, dinners and packed social calendar, were clearly not the answer. The other day, I discovered that one definition of “glamour” is “a magic spell.” Is that ever true. I had fallen under the spell of the ego’s illusion that what I was looking for was outside of me, validated me, and mattered more than my internal world. Physically, I was sicker than ever, but still I chose to rebel against you, using my top-notch health insurance to visit nine different doctors, who gave me no other answer than a Valium prescription (which I knew better than to take).
I remember when I finally called you and told you I needed help, after exhausting all my so-called resources, you patiently stepped in and gave me my childhood remedies – kudzu and umeboshi plum, put me on probiotic supplements and suggested a yoga class. Within two days the kudzu cured my seven-week bout of intense vertigo, and the probiotics were apparently my fast-track ticket to healthy digestion and the flat stomach of yours that I always wondered why I hadn’t inherited.
I had also been diagnosed with a benign breast tumor, which the New York Breast Clinic said will need to be monitored with check-ups every six months and when I asked if my high-dose estrogen birth control pill had anything to do with it, they flippantly said no. After finally listening to you (after 9 years) I got off the pill and the tumor dissolved within 6 months.
After starting to eat right again, adjusting my life to match what my heart wanted, and stepping onto my spiritual path, I can now say I haven’t had even a cold in two years and have not a single physical or emotional ailment. It’s a miracle. But it’s everyone’s birthright and the answers are there.
So this is to say thank you, for giving me life and for saving my life. I’ve forgiven you for the seaweed and tempeh, the daikon tea and even the sugar ban. I now commend you with all my being for listening to your heart and being a pioneer, decades ahead of your time, boycotting toxic and harmful processed foods, and the pills that support the medical industry. You are my hero. You never judged me, pushed me or imposed on me what was so true for you, but instead loved me unconditionally, allowing me to find my way and discover my truth. You gave me my health and honored my personal convictions, which allowed me to have the highest opportunity to thrive and therefore accomplish all I need to in this lifetime.
Love,
Jennifer
Jennifer Kass is a holistic happiness coach and spiritual mentor, based in NYC. She is also the creator of The Happiness Blueprint. Get your free copy of this 25-page guide when you join her community at www.jenniferkassllc.com.
@JenniferKassLLC
