Can’t seem to attract the right relationship? It’s not him, honey, it’s you. Jennifer Kass re-writes The Rules, beginning with a lesson in self-love…
The Rules were aimed at “capturing the heart of Mr. Right” but rather than focusing on him, how about we turn the focus inward, and work miracles from the inside out. I know, how radical.
After spending two decades in co-dependent relationships, I learned my lesson the hard way (albeit the divine way) in a rock bottom breakup. After realizing I was doing it all wrong, I stepped onto my spiritual path and I discovered that self-love is the first and only rule when it comes to attracting the best relationship.
When we’re in a space of lack and searching for happiness and love in a relationship, we become dependent on it – or even repel it. We control situations and try to figure everything out – even “capture” someone’s heart. But no one wants to be a hostage and love is supposed to feel free. Fear keeps us stuck in this vicious cycle and blocked from what we want.
Since self-love is the baseline of our highest and best relationships, and it makes The Rules obsolete by transcending the lower level experience of focusing only on what’s happening on the outside. Cut to trying to figure out what to do, when to see him for the date, what to say, how to be. Instead, self-love means rising above it all to a place of inspiration, clarity and ease.
Self-love is for the rebels, the pioneers, the way-showers and leaders of love. If the old way of doing things clearly isn’t working, then you’re here because you know there must be a better way.
When we cultivate self-love, it’s a heart opening experience that dissolves the barriers to love within – allowing us to magnetize the partner that is perfect for us.
So here are The Nu Rules (for Self-Love)…
Rule 1: Give yourself love and attention first before searching for it from someone else. Make your primary source of love your connection to yourself, to the universe, to all that is.
Rule 2: Create your own sacred space so you can then enter into a sacred partnership. This means alone time and a daily practice of connecting with yourself in meditation.
Rule 3: Find your happiness within. Happiness is not circumstantial; don’t wait to feel good until everything looks perfect on the outside. Feel good NOW so that everything on the outside can begin to reflect your internal abundance.
Rule 4: Now that you’ve connected to your true source of happiness within, the relationship you seek doesn’t have to be the only source, which means the object of your desire can focus on being themself and being truly loved and accepted by you.
Rule 5: Clean your apartment, get your nails done, cook yourself delicious meals and buy flowers. Your primary relationship is the one with yourself.
Rule 6: Fall in love with yourself and everything else on the outside will line up (yes, even your bank account – our net-worth is equal to our self-worth).
Rule 7: Never give from a place of lack. Fill yourself up by taking care of yourself and let it overflow, blessing and serving all who cross your path.
Rule 8: Giving love is more important than getting love. You have an unlimited source within you. It will come back to you tenfold.
Rule 9: Love everyone – even those who don’t act lovable. Not just your romantic partner. Deepen your friendships; heal your family relationships; smile at strangers.
Rule 10: Be in love NOW. It’s the feeling that manifests the outcome.
Rule 11: Know your worth so you can claim what’s yours. If you bring in the perfect partner and then are not able to receive the love and gifts the universe is bringing you through this person, you will deflect them.
Rule 12: Let go of relationships that are no longer serving you. This frees up the space for higher level relationships that reflect the new you.
Rule 13: Forgive and release all past relationships. This allows us to enter a new relationship from a clean place so that we don’t carry past wounds into it.
Rule 14: Be a woman. The divine feminine lives in a space of surrender and powerfully magnetizes everything to her from the space of self-love. The divine masculine takes action – be pursued and let yourself feel what it is to be desired.
Rule 15: Vulnerability creates connection. When we’re vulnerable people fall in love with us. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable it also provides the opportunity to relax and trust the process. The more we relax the less we try to control things.
Rule 16: Trust yourself. Go within for answers not to your therapist, psychic, coach or your friends. Your higher self has all of your answers, perfectly tailored to you. And it’s free.
Rule 17: Learn how to listen. Once you learn how to listen to yourself, you’ll begin listening to others more deeply. Being present for someone makes them feel safe, loved, seen and heard. It also makes them like you more.
Rule 18: Speak your truth. Be assertive and stand up for yourself and what you expect. We show others how to treat us.
Rules 19: Lead by example. Whatever it is you desire from the other person, be it, give it, embody it, do it and you will show someone what’s possible.
Rule 20: Self-love doesn’t rush; it trusts and allows everything to unfold slowly and in the highest possible way (Yes, this could mean jumping in bed together, too).
Rule 21: Be present. Love is in the present moment. The ego lives in the past or future sabotaging the present moment and its limitless possibilities.
Rule 22: Save yourself. Be your own knight in shining armor, the heroine of your own story. Then you will be ready for the perfect partner.
Rule 23: Recognize that the purpose of this relationship is so that your love will bless the world. You hold a responsibility to serve on a higher level by coming together with another – it’s not just about two people – it’s about all who you will affect by your union of love.
Rule 24: Trust the universe. Know that everything arrives in divine timing. You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, so trust the process. True faith is faith when the evidence has not yet manifested.
Rule 25: Only love is real. That means the loud, mean voice of the ego is not real; the ego is based in fear and is the only block to our happiness and to love. Choose love over fear.
Rule 26: Everyone is an assignment. The universe will always bring in exactly who you need to further your spiritual growth. This means the relationship might not look like you imagined. They will be a mirror to show you where you are lacking self-love. A “relationship” can be defied as one meeting or a lifetime together.
Rule 27: Own your fears and your feelings and let others own theirs. The ego will blame or judge and focus on the other person as the source of our problem, but this makes us a victim rather than an empowered creator of our own experience.
Rule 28: Energy speaks louder than words. The energy you bring into a situation or relationship will determine the outcome–if it’s toxic, manipulative or controlling this will not create a harmonious, fulfilling partnership.
Rule 29: Break the rules. After all, you’re a free agent with immeasurable powers, genius, and divine wisdom.
Find out about happiness coaching with Jennifer at Jenniferkassllc.com
