Resident agony aunt the Self Help Hipster dishes some personal insights for dealing with a dude who’s just not that into you(r spiritual journey).
Would you rather be dating this guy?
Dear SHH,
“I’ve always been interested in astrology, yoga and things like tarot and crystal healing, but more in a fun and frivolous way. I got more serious about it all after I went on a retreat to Costa Rica a few months ago. We did a lot of Kundalini yoga and meditation, and I found myself tapping in to areas of my own spirituality and self-development that I really wanted to pursue. Ever since, it feels like every week there’s a different workshop to try and I’m making a lot of new friends as I make a commitment to doing this work on myself. The problem is, my boyfriend refuses to ‘get it’, and keeps making fun of me and acting like I’ve become this flakey flower fairy girl.
I’ve tried explaining that this journey has been just amazing for me, and that I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to the things I really want in my life. That he should be happy for me! I’ve also tried to convince him to join me on some of the courses and workshops I’m dong – but he just makes a face and tells me no way. We’ve been together for four years and I really felt like he was the one. We connect on so many levels – just not this one. Are we destined to grow apart?”
Dear Spiritual Sue dating Sceptical Stan,
Oh, homegirl I feel you. On the same team, in the same boat, and all that jazz. The advice I’m giving you today is straight out of my own life.
First of all, this experience and journey is yours – yes, it would be nice to share the entire process with your partner, probably, but it’s not necessarily your demise as a couple if you don’t. He should learn to accept this as a part of you and your life, as you should accept it’s not really his cup of tea. (If you can’t come to terms with that about your partner, then you also have yourself an answer about what type of relationship is a must for you.)
Nobody can predict the future, but who knows: he might come around. Who knows, maybe you will. Maybe, and I consider this the likeliest of possibilities, your man will learn to peacefully coexist with you on your spiritual path. These new things you’re doing make you happier and feel more like who you are supposed to be, I presume. He’s likely to recognize this and appreciate what you’re doing, even if it’s just for the fact that it makes YOU happy and does YOU good.
However, people can get really weird about (other people’s) spirituality – it can make them uncomfortable and they don’t really wanna engage or participate, as much as you would like them too.
From my experience a few things are key:
1) Open invitation – Don’t ask him to go to all your courses and workshops. Instead, read him a passage from one of your books or lectures that you feel might be interesting to him. Tell him a little here and there about what you’re learning. Share it with him in a neutral way, without making him feel like he has to join in.
2) Be natural about it – This is YOUR development and your chosen path. You don’t have to be apologetic or explanatory about it just because it’s not his thing. Show that it’s a part of your life and he will get used to it. He might become a little more curious or open about it as time goes by. Then again, maybe he won’t, which brings me to my final point…
3) Acceptance – so he’s just not into it. But isn’t he a great person overall, and don’t you connect on all these other levels? Show him unconditional love and acceptance (as he should for you).
All in all, both your love for spirituality and the love you feel for your man sound quite beautiful. Enjoy both as much as you can, and remember that staying true to yourself most of all, whatever changes you might go through as a person, is the most important thing.
All the best and beautiful experiences,
SHH
www.theselfhelphipster.com
@SelfHelpHipster
